When you fall in
love, it's natural to want to express your love in physical ways. But you also
know God wants you to remain sexually pure—in both your actions and your
thoughts. Sometimes it's a tough balance, but showing love for another and
remaining pure is possible. Here are some suggestions:
1) Keep innocent
expressions special. Rather than making the innocent expressions a mere prelude
to the "heavier stuff," make the most of them. Let holding hands mean
something. Express tenderness by simply putting your arms around each other.
Make sure a kiss communicates true feeling and isn't just the first step to
further physical involvement.
2) Pace your
passion. Every marathon runner knows that you don't use up your energy at the
beginning of the race; you need most of it at the end. Pacing your passion
means that you realize you're trying to remain pure all the way to your wedding
day. It's OK to express your love in little ways, but don't start messing with
the package that is sex. To get real practical, avoid French kissing and
petting—anything that is sure to ignite the fires of passion.
3) Don't feed your
fantasies. It's normal to think about sex sometimes. In fact, with the way
advertising and Hollywood exploit sex, it would be impossible not to think
about it. So choose your entertainment carefully. Soap operas, certain songs,
books, television shows, movies and Web sites only turn up the pressure.
Feeding your thought life with junk only makes it harder to remain pure in your
actions.
4) Remember whose
property you're touching. You do not own the person you're dating. That person
belongs to God. Imagine there's a sign on everyone you date that reads:
PROPERTY OF JESUS.
5) Make a promise
to God, and daily renew your commitment. Decide where you're going to draw the
line, and tell God that with his help, you are not going to cross that line
until marriage. Don't commit to it unless you mean it, though. The Bible says
it's a serious thing to make a vow to God. At the same time, realize that you
can't stick to your promise without his help. That's why it's important to
renew your commitment daily.
6) Acknowledge
Jesus' presence on every date. Before a date, it's normal to spend a lot of
time getting ready. After all, you want to look your best. But you also want to
make sure you're spiritually prepared. So spend at least as much time in prayer
as you do in front of a mirror. As it says in Proverbs 3:6: "Seek his will
in all you do, and he will direct your paths."
7) Agree on your standards.
Before sex becomes an issue in the relationship, talk about your standards with
your boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't dwell only on the negative—what you won't
do. Hebrews 10:24 tells us to "encourage one another to outbursts of love
and good deeds." Discuss ways your friendship can help each of you become
a better person.
8) Don't always go
it alone. Sure, you want to be alone with your date; that's only normal. Yet
too much time alone can lead you to do things you'll regret later. Your
relationship will be a lot healthier if you spend time with each other's
families and friends.
9) Put real love
first. Genuine love always respects the other person. It never says, "If
you love me, you'll … " Real love says instead, "Since I care about
you so much, I will respect you, treat you with kindness, and never ask you to
do something you know or feel is wrong."
10) Declare a new
beginning. If you think you've already given away too much, don't give up. The
beauty of Christianity is that sins are forgiven and erased (see "A Second
Chance at Virginity?" on page 38). You can start over today.
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