ABUSE FROM “GOOD” PARENTS

Many good Christian parents may not realize they are abusing their children. Although their homes are not marked by physical violence, emotional abuse is taking its toll.

Following are 10 ways children experience emotional abuse- even in the best homes:

YELLING AT A CHILD

How easy is it for parents to be verbally impatient with their child. Father shouts and mother screams, thinking that the very force of their voice will mold the child into improvement. Of course this is not true. Most parents do not realize the emotional beating their child feels when she hears constant hollering.

COMPARING A CHILD UNFAVORABLY WITH OTHERS

Your child may not be perfect, but praising other children is not going to make her better. A child who makes a mistake only feels more inferior when her mother tells her that her sibling or a friend never does such things. Not only does this tear down a child’s image, but it also hurts her relationship with those who she is told are better than she is.

THROWING BIBLE VERSES AT A CHILD

Some parents feel that correcting their child with Bible verses will make her more conscious of her poor behavior. Actually, the bombardment of verses may only make her feel frustrated and guilty. This may create in her a dislike for the bible because it does nothing but tell her how bad she is. Children desperately need God’s word in their hearts and minds, but they should not be getting it when the parent is feeling hostile.

RIDICULING, MINIMIZING AND CRITICIZING A CHILD

Some parents may ridicule without even realizing it. Although some constructive criticism is helpful, a steady diet of negative words can only make a child feel inadequate and discouraged.

WITHHOLDING COMPLIMENTS

Criticizing is easy, but it is often difficult to be encouraging. Parents who have never been complimented by their own fathers and mothers may find it strange, and even impossible to compliment their own children. Consequently, such children are abused passively. On the other hand, the complimented child will gain more confidence, feel more secure about herself, be more outgoing, and be eager to tackle challenges. Children who don’t hear compliments lack the motivation to achieve.

LYING TO A CHILD

Parents do not always realize what harm they do to a child when they lie. Children, especially young ones, believe that parents can do almost anything. If everyone in the world fails, Dad and Mom will always come through. How devastated a child is when she discovers that her parents have lied. Now whom can she trust? A child raised in an environment of untruthfulness usually goes through life doubting others and herself.

CONTINUALLY ACCUSING AND BLAMING A CHILD

Parents who are unhappy or who have a shaky marriage may unconsciously use the children as scapegoats. If the kids cannot be blamed, the parents vent their frustration on them. The children, of course, do not understand this. All they know is that they are being blamed for things they cannot control. They usually grow up feeling guilty and insecure.

USING THE SILENT TREATMENT ON A CHILD

A parent who is angry or disappointed in her child may decide not to speak to her for a while, or until the child has done what she is told to do. The silent treatment may be better than flying off the handle, but since not talking usually includes not listening, the child is left bewildered, unable to find out what is wrong or to defend herself.The silent treatment is degrading and abusive

REPRESSING EMOTIONS

“Don’t cry!” “Shut your mouth!” “I don’t want any crying.” “I don’t want to hear it.” These are all abusive ways of keeping a child from expressing emotions. How frustrating it is for a child, who often doesn’t know any other way of handling her feelings, not to be able to cry when she is hurt, or shout when she is angry, or sing when she is happy.

QUESTIONING A CHILD’S SALVATION WHEN HE MISBEHAVES

“How can you say you love Jesus when you act like this? You say you are saved, but you sure don’t act like it. I doubt if you are.”

What a burden of guilt to place on a child! She may think she is no longer in God’s family or that her sins are too great for Jesus to forgive. A parent who threatens a child with such statements is not only filling her with false ideas about her salvation but is also misrepresenting God.

These are some common ways parents abuse their children emotionally. The bruises may not be so apparent as in beatings, but the invisible scars left on their personalities are usually more ugly and long-lasting. Childhood emotional abuse can affect a person as long as she lives.